Musk Survives as Tesla Chairmusk, Regulation of Boring Flamethrower

The last word you’d use to describe a flamethrower is boring, but that’s exactly what Tesla (NASDAQ:TSLA) CEO and still Chairman of the Board named his flamethrower, which sold 20,000 units back in February and the California legislature could not agree to regulate, besides maybe no shooting flamethrowers within 100 yards of a school zone. Or natural gas fracking rig. The sale raised $10 million, so instead of an equity raise next time Tesla needs cash, maybe he can do another flamethrower raise. And Musk has survived a vote that challenged his dual roles as CEO and Chairman of Tesla, and says the company will manufacture 5,000 Model 3’s every week starting at the end of this month. In other weird Tesla news, Musk also revealed that the Tesla Roadster, scheduled for production in 2020, will come with a “crazy SpaceX option”, but nobody understands what that means, since cars that can launch into space will probably require additional regulation. The car will start at $200,000 and go from 0 to 60mph in 1.9 seconds, and go 600 miles on a single charge. Meanwhile, Tesla is still having trouble meeting its Model 3 production targets, but at least it could produce 20,000 Boring flamethrowers on time.

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China Offers Trump $70 Billion Olive Branch, No Flamethrowers Included

In response to President Donald Trump’s threat to tariff $50 billion worth Chinese imports into the United States, Chinese President Xi Xinping has offered to purchase $70 billion of US goods, not including Musk’s flamethrower, which is sold out already. It is unclear how Xi will induce private Chinese companies to purchase that exact amount, nice words count for something at least. Trump is particularly concerned about the trade deficit with China, which he sees as a problem for some reason. The deficit is managed by the printing of more US dollars however, which are exported to China, which he supports as he favors low interest rates, which are kept low by the printing of money. Meanwhile Chinese telecom company ZTE (OTCMKTS:ZTCOY) has signed an agreement that would see it pay as much as $1.7 billion for the crime of shipping telecom equipment to Iran and North Korea. Because of that, the US has banned trade with the company, endangering its survival.

Social Security Running a Deficit, Congress Shocked, Never Saw It Coming

For the first time in 36 years, Social Security spending will outweigh total income, the total deficit being $2 billion. That money will come out of the Social Security trust fund, which now sits at $2.9 trillion. Those in charge of this $2.9 trillion bank account foresee that Social Security benefits will only be able to be paid out in fill until 2034. After that, only 79% of funds will be covered. Meaning, if you plan on retiring any time after 2034, don’t expect your social security checks. Medicare funds are set to run dry after 2026, three years earlier than last year’s prediction of 20209, after which only about 91% of Part A benefits will be covered. Meaning, if you plan on being sick after 2026, make other plans. If estimates keep moving up though, best be healthier earlier.

Mexico Joining In on Trade War Fun

Mexico is fighting back against Trump’s tariff exemption exemption, which took away its exemption from 25% steel tariffs and 10% aluminum tariffs. In response, Mexico is instituting 20% tariffs on pork legs and shoulders, apples and potatoes, and 25% tariffs on cheese and bourbon. These tariffs are aimed at states that are Trump strongholds, obviously aiming at upsetting the Trump electorate with the goal of replacing him with a less tariff-hungry administration in 2020. Related stocks: (NYSE:HRL) (NYSE:TSN)